287

allmymetaphors:

i accidentally showed some weakness earlier today it was disgusting i would not recommend it 

(via thehappypenguin-blog)

1003

lolimreallygay:

triceracroptops:

actual thing that happened:

starbucks dude: can I have your name?
me: claire.
starbucks dude: that’s a pretty name. do you have a number to go with it?
me, as I visibly text: no, I don’t own a phone.

iconic

(via thehappypenguin-blog)

so instead of having this blackout thing

7. March 2015

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rydenarmani:

expansion-of-blockade:

how about we have an event where every single race/ethnicity (including white people) share and reblog selfies instead of having this exclusive and segregational blacks-only secret club bullshit

(via thehappypenguin-blog)

halfbloohd:

Girls don’t want a boyfriend girls want to go to Hogwarts

(via jazzminaveena)

bagmilk:

you haven’t replied in three minutes what did i do why do you hate me

(via thehappypenguin-blog)

1037262

foreveralone-lyguy:

foreveralone-lyguy:

Who the hell invented the word “smexy” and what the fuck does the letter m in it even stand for

thanks

(Source: foreveralone-lyguy, via thehappypenguin-blog)

me as a laywer

7. March 2015

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methhomework:

me: so you took a shower and then you heard the gun shot

witness: yes

me as a lawyer: isn’t the first cardinal rule of perm maintenance that you’re forbidden to wet your hair for at least 24 hours after getting a perm at the risk of deactivating the immonium thygocolate

witness: i’m bald

(via thehappypenguin-blog)

bunsen:

that moment when someone’s texting u and they delete what they were typing and u feel like they’re playing with ur feelings

(via thehappypenguin-blog)